I think the only proper way to describe how I’m feeling these days is to say that I am done. DONE. I should probably be mature or maybe poke fun at myself a little, but again, done is pretty much where I’m at.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been busy–so busy that I haven’t been able to keep up the boy’s therapy schedule. There was sickness one week and another week I went out of town for a Blogging/Social Media Conference and now I’m back and . . .

this sucks.


Talking about your kids faults all the time? Sucks.

Talking about how your parenting decisions have made a less-than-perfect child? Sucks.

Feeling like all the advice you get contradicts itself? More suckage.

And feeling not sure that anything is really doing anything anyway? You guessed it.

I’m just burned out and I can tell. Three years of Charlie therapy plus two years of twin therapy means a lot, LOT of therapy.

I could go into all the specifics, but honestly, I’m tired of the whole thing. Tired. Tired.

This is such an inspiring blog post, huh?


Shrink A Dink Dink

So yesterday? I think it was yesterday. I started losing my mind a while back (sometime between babies 3 and 4 to be exact), and I’m not sure it’s ever coming back.

So yesterday. Yesterday a child psychologist came to the house to evaluate the twins.

After my own shrinking experience, I was ready to just cancel the whole thing, but I pretended to be a grownup, cleaned up a little, and braced myself to try things out at least once. I did not, however, bother to put on real pants. I mean, if she’s going to see how things really are, she’s going to need to meet my pajama pants. I only put on real pants if I’m leaving the house.

Where was I? Oh yes, the shrink.

So she came over and immediately started asking me questions and I was a prepared to hate her, but then. . . I didn’t.

She had actual, concrete suggestions for dealing with the issues I’m facing as the mom of four children, three of whom seem to have some kind of special need. Also: she didn’t appear to be waiting for me to cry. She watched the kids, we talked about each of them. She played with them some. She didn’t bat an eye when I put on an Elmo video so she and I could talk without screaming/running/crying/whining/begging. It was good.

She called the state and was harsh with some people about why we don’t receive any respite care for Charlie. They’re going to call us. It’s bound to be a debacle, but it was nice of her to call.

She recommended some management techniques for dealing with Louis’s problem areas–baths and diaper changes–and then talked at length about how he doesn’t really seem to be progressing these days.

louis lake

We talked about August who was his flirty best–smiling at her, playing games–just generally being his little impish self. She also got to see him flap with excitement over Elmo and spend every available minute trying to sit in my lap. She agreed that he has very uneven skills and that his social skills seem quite good. There’s something definitely going on there, but exactly what is still a bit of a mystery–he’s not classic autism, but some kind of developmental delay? Who knows.

She recommended I put the twins in daycare for one or two days a week. She explained that at their age, the boys are starting to “mirror.” With no good models for play or language (their older brother isn’t a great role model either–eep!), they’re mimicking each other. This might work if they were both chugging along normally, but instead we’ve got August over in a field of dandelions next to the path that is normal development. He’s spinning, he’s happy, he may even be making some progress, but he’s distracting Louie and that’s no good. It’s even possible that if they continue this field frolicking long enough, they could derail Rex as well. You can just guess how excited I am about the prospect of MORE therapy.

rexie lake


Louie definitely needs daycare so he can see normal development. August would probably benefit as well, but even just getting Louie in there should start moving things along. I’m going to have to call some places and see if anywhere has a summer opening–I’ve never heard of this, but apparently some daycare centers have spots open up in the summers when teachers take their kids out for the ten weeks that is summer break. I’m hoping to slide Louie and maybe even August into one of those slots.

She also taught me an ABA routine for getting kids really good at responding to their names. If you aren’t familiar with ABA, it’s the considered the most-effective treatment for kids with autism. From what I can tell, it is a LOT like training a dog. My dog wanders into the street every other day and sleeps on my husband’s pillow when we’re not looking, so I’m sure we’re going to be GREEEAAAT at this. Still, it would be nice if the kids were better at coming when they’re called. Right now they only do it when I call them inside and that’s because I pretend to lock them out if they don’t hustle. They tell me my Mother of the Year Award is in the mail in case you were wondering.

After the proper paperwork is filed and red tape is applied in the appropriate places, the psychologist should be coming out every two weeks or so to see how things are going and help me with tips, pointers, and possibly dog treats. I might have made that last one up.

stroller lake

I’m feeling oddly optimistic about the whole thing. We’ll see how long that lasts.

That Update I Promised

Well, it’s been a couple weeks since my big August announcement and I think it’s time for a bit of an update although I feel even more clueless now then a few weeks ago.

At first, there really seemed to be an issue with his hearing–he wasn’t turning his head when you called his name and he seemed to ignore his favorite toy when it was out of sight. He was also playing with one of his ears a lot. Then, that started to clear up. He is now responding to his name, but you do have to give him a few seconds–he’s in no hurry. He was almost completely silent and now he’s babbling pretty regularly.

He’s still got no words and he’s not great at eye contact. To be fair, I suck at eye contact as well–I know it can be hard to tell through the computer screen. If he wants something very badly, he has trouble taking his eyes off of it and will whine and whine, but never look at you. He doesn’t imitate as far as I can tell, but neither does Louis–they both pay very close attention to each other and spend a lot of time trying to get their hands on whatever the other one is playing with. Sometimes I wonder if twin interaction overrides interacting with grown ups.

boy getting a hair cut

1st haircut time

We are going to get his speech evaluated by Early Steps and he’s supposed to get his hearing tested this week as well. Meanwhile, we’ve spent a lot of time doing what we can to get him alone on a regular basis. When he’s with Louis, he seems to withdraw. I *think* that Louis is such a personality that he just overwhelms August. Louis is overwhelming to me sometime and I’m 33. Just the other night he decided that the absolutely best place on earth to sleep was directly on top of August. Sheesh.

When we have him alone, we see so many good things in August. He will immediately cross a room get near you. He has learned to turn pages in a book and has a different favorite book than Louis. He will very occasionally glance up at you while reading a book together or if he’s doing something else that is really fun–like splashing in the bath tub. He stands independently and can walk if you hold one of his hands. He LOVES to walk and laughs his funny little “heh, heh, HEH!” while he’s doing it.

boy getting his haircut

So. . . still not really sure what we’re dealing with, but the trend seems to be positive right now. As I mentioned in my previous post, both of the twins are delayed, however, so I think we’ll be having an on-going relationship with Early Intervention, which is fine by me. Having an extra set of eyes on things can’t hurt.

boy chewing on a comb

I will update if we learn anything else definite–in the meantime we’re just plugging along, doing our best to keep all the kids alive and in one piece. Some days that’s harder than it sounds.

boy sitting in a woman's lap and reading a book


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