No Promises

A girl that I know, about as well as you know anyone that isn’t a close friend, made an announcement on Facebook the other day. Her son had been diagnosed with a significant, life-altering illness about six month previous, and they were seeking some expert advice. She asked for prayers.

Tonight, New Year’s Eve, she posted a picture of her kids at the beach and mentioned that it was from “before.”


I remember the days when my life was divided by before and after. When Charlie was just a tiny baby I would look at picture of my me and my husband and would think “that was before.”

Before I had a disabled child.

Before I knew the scent of a hospital so intimately.

Before I knew that babies died and not just sometimes–but often.

That was “before Katy” and I would look at her in pictures and would envy her. She had no idea that one day her life would be so different.

I wanted to send the Facebook girl an email, but I didn’t. Wanted to reach out, but for whatever reason I didn’t.

I wanted to tell her that one day there were be a life where there’s no before and after. Well, maybe not NO before and after, but a day where you realize that your life hasn’t been divided into two pieces. You are you–there aren’t two versions. One day you won’t look at pictures and think of the “before” you. It will just be you. You with a life that’s had ups and downs, and goddamn left turns, but still you. You that loves, and sleeps, and bitches and moans, and counts your blessings.

Just you.

I don’t know when, but one day you won’t envy the “before” you, but will realize that she was just you a little earlier in the journey.

Wishing a little peace to everyone still in two pieces–may you feel whole again one day soon.


Time Marches On

Well, some more time has passed and I find myself looking backward at my thirty-fifth birthday. That’s right, I have somehow managed to stumble my way into middle age and here I am still wondering why people treat me like an adult. And wondering when they’re going to realize that I’m not one. . .

Turning 35 isn’t as bad as one might expect, though. I’ve been working my tail off on my own local blog and on the other local blog sites and it feels amazing to be doing something that I love this much. It’s a great feeling. I’m working with smart, interesting women who are developing their own sites, I’m getting to share all the stuff I’ve learned about blogging and social media over the years, and, and well, it’s good. It’s good, good, good and I am glad to be doing it.


So apparently the key to getting older is being happy with who you are. Or something like that. These are deep thoughts for a Monday.


The problem with 35 is that as if by magic, I am now acutely aware of how generally un-fit and not-healthy I am. I’ve been conveniently avoiding this for ages now–being pregnant really helps with that–but here it is. Unhealthy. My diet is crap and consists largely of chicken nuggets, I’m practically mainlining Diet Coke, and I don’t eat nearly enough vegetables. And really, I could probably ignore all of this, but I’m tired a lot too and it’s hard to keep up with the kids and that seems like a really good reason to get my butt in gear. I also have some very mild arthritis that seems to have settled into my elbows and I’d like to get that looked at as well. I need a tune up, apparently.

So there it is. Thirty-five and doin’ alright. That’s doesn’t rhyme, but you get the idea.

Til next time.


So How’s August?

Maybe you’re wondering! Maybe you’d like to know how things are going since I yanked him out of preschool and began the slow process of turning him into Boo Radley.

Actually, he’s doing pretty dang great. There are things that I have always known about him, but now I have a chance to really see them and see how those things can make it difficult for him to be successful.

He’s got the low tone. LOW. He’s also easily frustrated. This combination means that he’s likely to give up before mastering things.

So we’re working hard on some fine motor things and I’m seeing improvement.

I’ve also got him on a lot of supplements. I read and read, and add things to see if they help. I think we’re up to four supplements.  He’s friendlier than ever and loves to play. He’s babbling a little bit which is great because it’s him talking–not just imitating, but really saying something. He’s trying to interact with Louis which is new. He’s doing a great job responding to his name. His belly is a lot flatter and I’m seeing a lot less of the hurting-tummy behaviors.

Is he perfect? Nope. Is he good? Absolutely.

I also took him to see a DAN doctor. That’s a person who treats autism disorders with the belief that there’s an underlying cause. This lady has recommended several tests to assess August’s digestion and as soon as I scrape together a few dollars, I’ll be getting that done. I’m hoping this will reveal any underlying allergies or food intolerances because I know I haven’t found them all. He still has these dark circles under his eyes that they call allergic shiners.

Louie is good too–loving school, learning so much, coming home covered in dirt and sand.

Things are good right now. They really are. I’m trying to enjoy the calm while it’s here.

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