Stop This Thing

My life is very busy. Very.

The twins did not start daycare on Wednesday as planned. I was the in middle of jumping through the one-millionth hoop when I just stopped. The twins aren’t unvaccinated, but they aren’t up to date yet, so the state is refusing to print their vaccination records, so I have to go to the doctor and see what my options are and get a print out from her. I probably could have had them in by Friday, but I decided I didn’t want them to start while I was away.

Yep. I’m away. Charlie and I are in Montreal learning some new ABR moves. My first go at International travel by myself (well, as the only adult). My first time traveling alone with Charlie too. We survived the trip here–we’ll see how the trip back goes.

I forgot to pay my credit card bill last month–forgetting to pay bills is my new thing, apparently.

I also forgot to get a hotel room to stay in, so I’m here in the ghetto airport hotel of Montreal. At least it was cheap.

In the quiet I’m starting to notice just how insane my life is at home. How busy, busy, busy things are.

I’m slipping up here and there. I find myself staring at because my to-do list is overwhelming.




I have to make some changes. I have to decide what’s really important and what isn’t. I have to focus on some things and figure out how to delegate or get rid of the rest.

Interesting times ahead.

Charlie hanging out at ABR. Yes, he has a black eye--he thought he could do something, but gravity disagreed.

Charlie hanging out at ABR. Yes, he has a black eye–he thought he could do something, but gravity disagreed.

Crazy Mom

Every parent is different, but almost every parent I know has considered doing something “alternative” for their special needs child. They don’t all make the leap–but most of them think about it. With Charlie, I was as disciplined as I could be. I researched EVERYTHING–cranial sacral, chiropractic, stem cells, HBOT, conductive education, ABR, Feldenkrais, ABM, Masgutova, patterning, supplements, and so on. I read

studies, I evaluated videos and blog posts. I considered sources, and looked for measurable progress versus generalities. Whenever I questioned my decisions, my husband would ask me, “have you read something that’s changed your mind?” and I would always go with the facts, not my gut.

Which is why it surprised me so much when I veered completely off course last week.

It started with an email from a friend who said she was trying something very off-the-beaten path with her child who has autism. She was guarded, but sent me a few links to investigate.

My investigation led me to a few more place where I found out that this unusual item would be shipping out in just twenty-four hours, so if I wanted to get some, now was the time.

This is where I started to lose my mind a little (or maybe a lot).

I was not all that impressed by the research–there just wasn’t enough of it, in my opinion. There were no videos on the topic, and there were like two blog posts–both written by parents who had their kids on every imaginable supplement and vitamin. And two posts? Not a ton of information there.

But that dang “Shipping Tomorrow!” thing kept pressing at the back of my brain. When would the next time come? Weeks? A month?

I was like one of those women lined up for a bridal sample sale.

Before I knew it I had shelled out over one hundred dollars (a lot over).

And this arrived in the mail two days later:



Completely off the rails.

You know what else? I frickin’ love this stuff. Might as well be magic in a bottle.

But I’m a little scared to tell you guys what it is because it’s the craziest thing you’ve ever heard of.

Any guesses?

Ever done anything crazy for you kids?

That Time I Quit Therapy

For a personal blog, I’m remarkably good at not writing about anything too terribly personal. In the early days of a blog, you bare your soul, but the more people read your words, the harder it is to be completely honest about things.

Which is probably why I didn’t mention the social worker before this.

Louie doing Zen Calligraphy (yes, it looks a lot like smearing paint with a brush)

Louie doing Zen Calligraphy (yes, it looks a lot like smearing paint with a brush)

About two months ago–give or take, I’ve lost track of these things–when they decided to ramp up therapy for both twins, they also suggested that I get my very own social worker. Somebody for me to talk to about the stress that makes up a big chunk of my day to day life. I wasn’t really enthused about the idea, but when people offer you help, I think it’s smart to take them up on it–Mothers make terrible martyrs and all that.

The social worker came and sat on my couch and asked me questions about my life. I felt a little teary–three kids in therapy sounds really bad when you start saying it out loud. And then I felt like crap the rest of the day.

So I quit.

rexie ribbon

I mentioned this to a few people and they both said something along the lines of “don’t you ever get depressed?” or “doesn’t it all get to you sometimes?” And the answer is a simple one: of course it does. OF COURSE IT DOES. I mean, I live in a house with four people who wear diapers, can’t talk, and who all, ALL have an opinion. And my husband works a lot.

My secret, though, is that I’ve been crazy a lot longer than I’ve had kids.

That’s putting it simply, so here’s a slightly longer explanation: I have struggled with darkness as long as I can remember. Well, since I was twelve anyway. And long before I had kids, I had to learn how to work through it. I have a pretty significant bag of tricks when it comes to dealing with depression or dark moods or whatever it is that my mind may try to throw at me.

I don’t talk about this stuff very much. One, because it makes me look weak and I’m not weak. Two, because I don’t want people to think that my life makes me feel this way–it doesn’t. I’ve felt this way a lot longer than this stage in my life. I actually think my life is pretty great most of the time and even a great life doesn’t keep depression at bay all the time. And the third reason is because managing my moods is just something I do. Twenty-two years makes it more like second nature.

So I quit therapy. If I need to talk to someone I will (or I’ll blog about it here). If I need something else, I’ll take care of that too.

Besides, her visits were cutting into my nap time.

No, mom, I will not paint, but I do like to have my picture taken--let's just do that.

No, mom, I will not paint, but I do like to have my picture taken–let’s just do that.

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