D-O-N-E

I think the only proper way to describe how I’m feeling these days is to say that I am done. DONE. I should probably be mature or maybe poke fun at myself a little, but again, done is pretty much where I’m at.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been busy–so busy that I haven’t been able to keep up the boy’s therapy schedule. There was sickness one week and another week I went out of town for a Blogging/Social Media Conference and now I’m back and . . .

this sucks.

boys-at-the-patch

Talking about your kids faults all the time? Sucks.

Talking about how your parenting decisions have made a less-than-perfect child? Sucks.

Feeling like all the advice you get contradicts itself? More suckage.

And feeling not sure that anything is really doing anything anyway? You guessed it.

I’m just burned out and I can tell. Three years of Charlie therapy plus two years of twin therapy means a lot, LOT of therapy.

I could go into all the specifics, but honestly, I’m tired of the whole thing. Tired. Tired.

This is such an inspiring blog post, huh?

boys-at-the-patch-2

Prostrate

August was good for quite some time and then suddenly, it feels, he was not fine.

It started with a nasty ear infection, and despite having ear tubes, it spread to both ears and to his eyes, and nose. I had no choice but to put him on antibiotics.

Before we even started the antibiotics, some of his old, terrible behaviors had returned: he hasn’t spun in months and suddenly he was spinning again. My heart hurt.

The antibiotic has not really helped. Well, the ear infection seems to be gone and the spinning has stopped, but he looks terrible. The dark circles are back under his eyes. He’s anxious and overly-excited. At school he squirreled himself into a corner and it took three agonizing days for me to realize he was scared of a friggin’ ceiling fan in the room next door to his.

And as I was turning all of this over in my mind, trying to figure out what my next move would be I though of the word “prostrate.”

Parenthood. Motherhood. It will break you. It will make you realize that all the control you think you have is just an illusion. If you don’t pray, I honestly have no idea how you make it through.

And right now I’m feeling a little bit like that. I’m feeling flattened by whatever has happened to August. Has he accidentally gotten gluten? he’s sure acting like it. Has he developed a new allergy? Have the antibiotics added some new layer to his stomach issues? Is this a setback or has something happened?

And when you’re flat, you pray. Or at least I do. And I ask God to help me out, or least help my kid because this thing is bigger than I am. Or bigger than I can handle on my own.

So for one of these reasons I find myself thinking about the word “prostrate” a lot. About lying yourself down and just letting things pass. Or about admitting that something is bigger than you are.

IMG_4805

Note: I wrote this on Friday. We discontinued the antibiotic and started a probiotic and he seems to be doing better.

Self Explanatory

I live in a very cute neighborhood. Well, it’s actually a small town, but it’s got lots of good stuff that I can walk to including schools, the library, a park, some restaurants and a grocery. Most of the neighbors are older people who moved here to retire, but around the time that Hubby and I moved in, another couple did too.

I didn’t know them very well, but they were about our age, lived on our street, and thought it would be great if we could be friends. They were young, we were young, we both obviously had great taste in streets. It was a match made it heaven, right?

paint perfect couple

Perfect Couple

Not only that, but a year after we moved in, they had a baby! I know this, not because I’m a stalker (which I am, but only on Facebook), but because I drive past their house in order to get out of town. A baby! They had a baby, hubby and I had a baby–it was perfect. Yes?

Bird Family

Bird Family

But it never really happened. They’re local business owners, and very busy, and we run into them here and there, but that was about it, and after a while I settled into my thing and stopped dreaming about neighborly barbeques.

The other day Mrs. Perfect was walking down the street, pushing a stroller and in about five seconds the following happened:

paint august in diaper

August walked out wearing only a diaper. This is a common occurrence at my house. The kids always start out in clothes, but things happen and I don’t bother to re-dress them because life is short and my laundry pile is large. I can see, however, how this might come off as a little less than classy.

paint busterThen Buster, my painfully annoying dog began howling at Mrs. Perfect because she had a little dog with her. Buster is not good at making friends.

paint louie porch

And then Louie got so excited about the little dog with Mrs. Perfect that he actually FELL OFF THE PORCH. We have a ton of mulch around the porch in case this happens, but seriously that never happens. He was fine except he was lying in our garden and howling.

And all of this got me thinking that maybe there’s a good reason why all my friends live in the computer.

If you know what I mean.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...