More Kids. More Questions.

The twins have been in daycare for about three weeks now–not all the way through because they had hand-foot-mouth, but about three weeks.

I’m happy to report that The Great Daycare Experiment does seem to be helping in many ways: the boys are certainly more vocal. They are both making a lot more noise and Louie has begun imitating with some regularity. I’m pretty sure August is talking as well although like Louie, his words are hard to understand. Hooray! Talking-ish kids and perhaps the best part is that they are both doing some spontaneous talking, which is probably the hardest thing of all.

I’m pretty sure daycare is not a good fit for Louis. When I picked him up from Monday, he looked all puffy from a day of crying. Not only does he cry at daycare, but he’s fussy at home too. It’s like he’s traumatized.

This led me down a rabbit hole and tomorrow I’m going to be touring a very shi shi preschool that happens to have some openings for the fall. I can’t afford this preschool, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing–I’ll worry about that if it’s the right place.

Some people think I’m crazy.

Other people don’t.

My husband says “whatever you think is best.”

Do I just move Louie? Or do I move August too?

Do I move them at all? Maybe Louie is still adjusting.

I feel like Louie needs something more–he needs a place where he’s nurtured and encouraged–not just a place to hang out. And I need to feel good about leaving my kids with strangers every day.

I’m come to realize that the paradox of parenthood is that there aren’t really any perfect answers. There are good answers, there are options, but it’s not nearly as black and white as you’d hope. It’s like all those years of learning to fill in the right bubble on the paper were kind of pointless–life isn’t that simple.

Louie tries a sno ball.

Louie tries a sno ball.

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Comments

  1. Bugladynora says:

    I wish I could say leaving my kids anywhere is ever stress free. I hope you can find somewhere you feel good about!

    • Thank you! Honestly, leaving Charlie was so much easier than leaving these two! Charlie is so go-with-the-flow. It might just be taking Louie more time to adjust–hopefully it will get better and I won’t have to make an big decisions!

  2. I love your test analogy. And I’m here to corroborate — things never seem to get easier. I have learned, though, to trust my instincts, and it sounds like you do just that.

  3. My 2 cents: You will always second guess. That’s our job as Moms to be on the lookout for what could happen. Day care vs preschool I don’t think is the right question. I think you are concerned about the quality of the interaction. 3 weeks is not a very long time to get used to a new situation, especially if you have 4-day weekends in there. From a purely, I don’t know your kid at all but I’m a mom of three, perspective, give him another two weeks with no “events.” No teachers on vacation, no early days, no new kids, etc. Has the director of the day care or teacher suggested he come every day for a week or two? He may need the immersion to learn the routine and fully understand that you are always coming back. I also wonder what will be different at the other school. Will he have his own full time assistant, someone to hover over him all the time, meet his every need so that he doesn’t have to learn to adjust to new situations and start to ask for what he wants? I think they may read a little cruel but that’s not my intent. I’ve loved following your blog as I’ve worked on my Master’s in Speech Pathology and raised three kids. I’m thinking back to why you want them in childcare in the first place- to learn new social skills and to start asking for what they want. Time and again I’ve thought my one year old couldn’t/wouldn’t do things to stumble across her doing it willingly/happily for Daddy or the random teacher at the Y.
    Finally, because I think you are superwoman, you need that time to refuel yourself. He will not remember you took him to childcare so use this time to rest up for all the rest that is to come!
    Good luck with a tough decision.

  4. This parenting gig is tough! Wouldn’t it be great if things were more black and white and easy to decide? That sounds wonderful! Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. I agree with another commenter, you have to trust your instincts. You know your boys better than anyone. It may take some trial and error, but you will come up with what works. for both of them.

  5. wuah I totally understand going thru this with all my four wuah.
    I gave my 2 cents in your last post so wont repeat.
    Just go with your gut your are good that way.

    Oh I think if you are moving one you should move both.

  6. I think 3 weeks is not that long, especially with a break for illness……but it’s definitely worth watching. Can you talk with them about what they’re doing to help him calm down and integrate with the flow of the group?

    I know the daycare we ended up at, they have preschool as part of their program – a fairly rigorous one, actually. They’re good with kids with special needs – the owner’s daughter has OCD and anxiety issues, and an IEP. They ask how they can help Alex.

    I think having the kids in 2 different places might work personality wise….but it’ll drive you batty trying to get them to and from.

  7. Maybe give it a try with just moving him and see how the kids react to this change. Having individual attention somewhere different might be a good experience for him…. Sending positive thoughts your way with the decisions to make.

  8. As a daycare supervisor, my two cents would be, he needs longer to adjust. Many of our full time kids take at least a month to really get themselves situated.
    That being said, daycare should never be “just a place to hang out.” You should feel both kids are being educated, encouraged and nurtured. If you do not feel comfortable with that centre, move them both. Mommy instinct is very powerful and should never be ignored.
    The centre supervisor should be willing ti speak with you about your concerns and be willing to try something new if the current situation is not working. If s/he isn’t, that woudl be another red flag.

  9. Julie Lewin says:

    I had 3 kids in 2 years. Second pregnancy was twins, one has cerebral palsy. Kids are 4, 4, and 5. We’ve done a variety of day care situations as I work full time. Some situations were better for the “typical twin” some have been better for the other, but the twins usually are in the same place for our sanity while we put our 5 year old in places that are better for his age. Hopefully it just evens out in the end but I never feel that at any single time they are all in the best place for their individual situations, I shoot for 2 out of 3 and hope it evens out over time while preserving my sanity.

  10. Aw, poor little guy. I hope the visit to the new daycare goes well.