Love Can Be Hard

graphic reading "Little Joy Map"

Well, howdy! I’m supposed to be writing about loving my kids better and I’ve run into a bit of a stumbling block:

I think I am really, really lousy at this stuff. I mean, like a lot. I mean, there are probably people worse at this stuff than me, but they may or may not be named Mommy Dearest. Or something. Ok, maaaybe I’m exaggerating, but not a whole lot and I have hemmed and hawed about how to write this post without coming off like a terrible person.

A little crusty about the nose--we've been a tad sickly at our house.

A little crusty about the nose–we’ve been a tad sickly at our house.

I should start by saying that I am NOT a touch-feely person. Not at all. I got the second book about Love, The Five Love Languages for Children, and frankly, I started to feel kind of uncomfortable just reading it. The first love language is touch and I am SO not touchy. I’m just not. And they put the word “loving” in front of the word touch throughout the Chapter and suddenly I felt creepy just reading it.

Yes, clearly I have issues. Also: probably need to work on the loving touch. (side note:eeeeee. Doesn’t that just sound like something a pervert would write?)

My boy. He loved the breezy day.

My boy. He loved the breezy day.

As for myself, I think that I tend to express my love in Acts of Service because that’s what I do: I cook for you, do therapy on you, research to find the best [insert here]. This is how I show you that I love you. I’m OK with quality time and words of affirmation. Except the Quality Time section did have a whole bit about Loving Eye Contact, and that made me a bit squeamish too. I had no idea I was this weird until I read this book, and frankly, it’s a little upsetting. Not that I was laboring under the impression that I was totally normal, but I seem a little more wigged by this stuff than I think I should be. Please don’t suggest I need therapy–that’s why I have a blog.

He loved the spicy corn from the boil pot.

He loved the spicy corn from the boil pot.

But yeah, I need to work on the loving touch. Ugh. I don’t even like typing it. I know August is a lovey-dovey kid because he is always hugging and touching, so he definitely needs me to be better at this. I CAN be better at this, dangit! Just gotta work on it. Sadly I think that if I Google for more info, I might end up on an Internet watch list, so I’ll just have to do the best I can without the help of the Teh Interwebs. Or that creepy book. Just kidding–I’ve already read that chapter.

Kids: Pushing my limits since 2007.

Hanging out waiting for crawfish. Love the view of Dad on the blanket with the kids.

Hanging out waiting for crawfish. Love the view of Dad on the blanket with the kids.

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Comments

  1. You are not weird. Or I am weird too. “Loving eye contact”?? I literally just said “ewww” when I read that!!! I show love with acts of service too :)

  2. I haven’t read any parenting books since my first was teeny tiny. And then it was just how-to-handle-a-newborn stuff. I am impressed you even attempted to read that kind of book. I feel like any parenting book is just going to make me feel crazy inadequate.

    If I was going to read a parenting book, it would probably be something like THE IDLE PARENT, and even then I’m worried I’ll look TOO idle next to the people who wrote a freaking book about being idle.

  3. Ha! You sound just like me. Must not read that book.

  4. I’ve read the original 5 Love Languages, but none of the flankers. FWIW, I think it’s a really good read as far as relationship books go, and it’s free in the Kindle Library if you have Amazon prime. (Which is basically why I read it. In grown up relationships, I’m a quality time person with a little physical affection and acts of service thrown in.)

    Given that the cats and one of the dogs avoid me b/c I’m “grabby” I’m guessing I’m probably a touchy feely person according to the book. (Thank goodness one of my dogs doesn’t mind being snuggled!) But I can also see myself as expressing my love through Acts of Service. I love to cook for people and really look forward to cooking for my kids someday. Hopefully they’ll be less snuggle averse than my cats. :)

    But I think it’s really clear in your blog and in person that you love your kids to pieces, so I hope you don’t really feel bad for not being a cuddler. My husband’s whole family is like that, but it’s always clear that they love each other very much.

  5. Dont sweat it Katy. You’re an awesome parent and I am sure that fact will remain whether or not you get all soft and cuddly or not. Personally I would rather everyone at my house skip the acts of service and just snuggle on the couch for the rest of our natural lives. Pretty sure my cheyenne’s love language is gifts. Sometimes love is just hard. Think we’re all doin the best we can.

  6. You know, it’s probably actually a really good thing to teach your kids that some people aren’t always comfortable touching/being touched and that doesn’t always mean that they don’t like you. And about asking permission to touch, too. I mean, not that you shouldn’t try to change if you want to because that’s totally cool, but that of itself is probably a good thing for you to teach your kids.