Last week was one of those weeks that flattens you. You’re beebopping along, doing your thing, and then the wind gets knocked out of you completely, and you find yourself struggling to find the words to describe all the things that are going on. Every night I thought, “I should be blogging about this,” but that seemed like too much to say and process and each day brought a little more until my post would have been filled with only this:
So a lot went on and I’ll get to all of it at some point, but here are two biggies:
On Monday I began to experience what I can only describe as therapy fatigue. To the best of my knowledge, this is not a real thing, but I can assure you that I was feeling it and I have felt it before. I think that whenever you are in the midst of long-term therapy–the never-ending kind that just goes on and on as your kids hover in the “always behind place”–you eventually reach this point. It’s the point where you tire of taking about what’s wrong with your kid. When you feel like progress is being made, but the focus is never on the progress, or maybe that the progress will never be enough. I don’t know.
This is not a criticism of the therapists and I hope it doesn’t sound that way. It’s not their problem–it’s mine. Or it’s just one of the symptoms of living your life in therapy.
So I guess it’s only fitting that on Friday, at a six month review for the twins, I was presented with a new plan for their therapy. Ten months ago, August was being seen weekly mostly to monitor feeding and fine motor since he was so tiny when he was born. Then we added speech when he had that big regression at the one year mark. Then we added speech for Louis because he wasn’t talking either.
The new plan includes all this plus OT for Louis and getting both of them into special instruction as well. They would also like to have a child psychologist come out bi-monthly to give tips on how to deal with their twin interaction. You see, Louie is so dominant and aggressive, there’s a bit of concern that August is actually developing around him as opposed to with him. So, we’ve got six appointments a week now. With an additional one every other week.
I’m doing my best not to think too hard about what this means for the boys or their future. I’m trying not to go to the place in my mind where I think about having four kids with disabilities. I’m trying not to question my abilities as a mother and caregiver. I’m trying to focus on the positives.
But that can be hard sometimes.