One of Those Days

Monday was an average day in the life of a mom of four small children: I prepared meals, changed diapers, made approximately one million bottles, and forced children to take naps they weren’t interested in.
It was also National Bodily Functions Day although no one told me about that.
boy sits on porch wearing one shoe

He’s the best camera kid I have–he smiles for it every time.

I first became alerted to the fact that we were observing National Bodily Functions Day when my cat threw up on me while I was taking a nap. Like any mother to a newborn, I tried to ignore this completely and rolled over.  Not deterred, my cat then threw up on me again.
Point taken.
Later, one of my twins escaped after his bath, ran over to the TV and peed on the floor in front of it. Then, the twins reenacted a Three Stooges Act and proceed to slip and fall in said pee. Let no one tell you that twins aren’t entertaining. Disgusting also, but definitely entertaining.
Still. This could have still been an average day–a little piss, a little vomit–it happens. Maybe not to other people, but in the house of many creatures, it’s a definitely not a shocker.
But then my husband went to a work function with some of the guys from the office. One of his colleagues had too much to drink or ate a bad oyster or whatever and became sicker than a sorority girl at her first mixer. As my husband drove him home, he proceeded to puke out the window of his family vehicle. Something about the aerodynamics of the wind, however caused the puke to blow back into the van until my husband was covered in a fine mist of booze, shrimp, and oysters. Um, can we say gross? I’m usually fine with puke, but seafood puke? Sorry, dude, you’re on your own. Those clothes weren’t even allowed in my bedroom. I lobbied for my husband to take them off before he got in the house, but he wasn’t buying it, so he undressed in the kitchen and straight into the washing machine they went.
Needless to say, I hope we won’t be celebrating this one next year.
boy standing with an orange recorder in his hand

No clue what the recorder is about–that’s Lou for ya.

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  1. meghatronsmom says:

    Yuck, LOL, gross, eeeeeewwww & LOL

  2. That’s a lot of barf to deal with in one day.

  3. ohmygosh, I almost celebrated right with you as I spewed my morning smoothie out my nose whilst peeing my pants. Girl… you are funny. What an ickky {but funny} story!

  4. What? No BM story? That’s a good day! 😉

  5. Your posts bring back some of the most intense Emotions. I knew those days of vomit and diarrhea, high fevers and falls into the fire ant beds, but I could never see much humor in it all. Looking back it’s funny, but I never remember looking at the funny side of things. I love the way you write as well. There’s an Erma Bombeck book in there somewhere!

  6. Baths? You’re still giving baths?

  7. You should get teenagers to read this they wouldn’t even think about getting pregnant before they are ready LOL :)

  8. That is so funny!

  9. So funny! I just want to say that your kiddos are so adorable!! And I’m so impressed that the twins are wearing matching outfits! Love your writing. I always get excited when I see your blog post in my email – I know its going to be a great read.

  10. I feel like we celebrate this day a lot lately! Emily really keeps me on my toes with her diapers lately. We are having issues with finding the right fit in diapers and add to that a bout of diarrhea. Fun times! Ah, the joys of motherhood!

    By the way, your boys are gorgeous! Love both pics!

  11. What with my older ones missing the toilet with deadly accuracy and our fluffy cat regularly puking because of hairballs – and she’s fastidious, that one, no puking on some ordinary surface such as the tiled floor. No, no, no, the surface must be soft. Carpets, human beings, books… I’ve been known to start screaming No! NO NOOOO!! when I hear her puking noises, rugby tackle her and throw her out the window before she even manages to get enough leverage on the puke to get it out of her throat. Does that make me bad?

  12. LOL!
    Yikes so happy that day missed my house!
    Those boys are just so gorgeous.