I’ve fallen into some of my old ways. When Charlie was a baby, I subsisted on cable television as a way to pass days that were filled mostly with bottle washing and baby feeding.

Things aren’t a whole lot different with the twins only I like going out even less, and I don’t have cable, so I’m using Netflix to keep myself entertained.  I’ve been watching Mad Men on DVD and Cheers on streaming. Mad Men isn’t really kid appropriate, and while I know that the twins aren’t watching it, I still try to have it on only when they’re sleeping.

The other day the show was on, I was working on a random craft project, and a scene came on with a coffin. At that very moment, Louis decided he was hungry and began wailing at the top of his lungs. I ran over with a bottle and as I picked him up I was muttering the silliness that you do when you’re talking to babies. From nowhere I cooed, “are you upset about that boy who died? don’t be. It’s just a TV show”

I said it unthinkingly, but as the words left my mouth, I braced for the wave to hit me–the wave that reminds me that my little one knows more about death than he should. A nagging reminder of a past you’d rather forget.

But I looked at Louis’s sweet face and remembered–he knows nothing about it. His short life has been largely uneventful. His greatest pains have been heel pricks; his hardest moments were hunger. Death has never hovered over his bedside; he’s never lost a compatriot in the battle for his life.

He is innocent of those things–free from the shadows that can lurk and the memories they cause. He is just a baby who knows nothing about the darkest parts life.

And the wave did come, but it wasn’t what I expected. It was gratitude.  I am so grateful that this baby hasn’t experienced that, thankful for the ease that life has provided him thus far.



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  1. This is glorious in its simplicity. Your moment with your sweet one is so beautiful. I am smiling for you.

  2. I wish they could always keep their innocence. I’m glad you found thankfulness in it all… xo

  3. This is really lovely. And your dear sweet baby, even more lovely.

  4. Very Sweet.

  5. I loooove the picture.

    And I’m also loving Mad Men! I’m watching it on streaming on Netflix. I’m only into season 2 so far.

  6. What a sweet picture! Love this post. Amazing how things hit you at the oddest times, isn’t it? What a beautiful moment you shared with your little one. Wish they could stay innocent forever!

  7. The picture is beautiful, so soft and so much trust in his eyes. You will keep your children focusing on the joy of life, for as long as possible.

    And about Mad Men – isn’t it great? :) My husband and I watch it too :)

  8. 1. Very beautiful post.
    2. I feel like a bad mom now, because I am super into Mad Men and it never even occurred to me not to watch it while the baby’s around. I guess maybe I underestimate what they’re aware of in the pre-verbal phase.

  9. Sweet, as are those baby boys.

  10. Thanks for sharing this touching moment with us. Gratitude is a great feeling, isn’t it?