Blue

If you picture Leann Rhimes singing it, then you’ll know exactly how I’m feeling right now.

Louis is sick. He’s not deathly ill, but his bowels have proved that they aren’t quite ready for food and he’s developed an infection. Any little thing can go wrong quickly with a preemie, so they’re taking aggressive action and suspending all food for seven to ten days. In general, he looks good–he’s a little pissy about missing his meals, but he’s pink and active and responsive, which are all good signs.

It’s unusual for a baby of his size and gestation to be dealing with this, but Louis has proven to be a little bit of an odd ball from the beginning.

Today they added some drama to the mix by informing us that there is a chance that he’ll have to be moved to the large Children’s Hospital across the lake. Since he’ll be without food for a least a weeks, he receives all of his nutrition by IV. Being a tiny little guy, there are only so many veins that will work. If they are unable to find good veins, they’ll send him to the big hospital to have a central line placed surgically.

I hate to be a whiner–I really do. I’ve got two kids in the hospital and for the most part I’ve managed to stay pretty upbeat about the whole thing, but ugh, ugh, two babies at two different hospitals? One over forty minutes away?

I’m officially whining.

Nothing is written in stone–they might be able to find enough veins to make it through. The hospital across the lake is a good one and I know he would be in good hands. I just hoped that his time things would be a little easier.  I felt like we’d been through the wringer enough the first time. Hell, I’ve been through the wringer quite a bit with this pregnancy.

But I know it doesn’t work that way. And I know I’m lucky that this is a bump in the road and not something more serious. I know, but I’m still feeling kind of down.

Oh well.

PS: August is doing very well–getting stronger and bigger every day and I think he’ll be four pounds very soon. He’s starting to look like a miniature Charlie.

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Comments

  1. You don’t need to apologize for feeling down. You’ve been through a lot! It will really stink if Louis has to be moved. It’s ok to mourn that, if it happens. Your family is in our prayers and we’ll continue to pray that Louis heals up soon, and at the same hospital as August, so they can get home with the 3 of you quickly!

  2. I can’t imagine feeling anything but blue with everything you’ve been going through. Go easy on yourself — breathe — acknowledge your feelings with gentleness and no judgement. I will pray for you and your babies tonight and tomorrow — sending good wishes for health and happiness your way.

  3. Oh man, I hope he can stay on your side. And I hope this issue clears up fast!

  4. No one whines better than you. WAIT! That came out all wrong. (lol) I mean, when you do “whine” it’s not ever been in the ill-effected way as pathetic whining. Always, your feelings are identifiable. And you hold an inspiring maturity about you even in less than stellar situations. I hope to be like you in that. Praying for your boys! All 3.

    • Well, gosh, I don’t think anyone’s ever complimented my whining before! I should tell my husband. Thank you so much for the prayers and the kind words.

  5. Whitney says:

    You can whine all you want! Youre a trooper – Childrens hospital here in NO is great, I used to volunteer there everyday and now do on my day off. I also have two friends who have summer &semester jobs in the NICU. He would be in great hands! Keep up posted!

    • I know he would be in good hands, but I still hope he doesn’t have to go. I’ll let you know if he does move, though.

  6. Dear Katy,
    I agree with your lovely friends above. First, you have a “right” to whine. And second, your whining is not the kind that offends. We are all happy to be here for you to whine to!
    I think of you and your babies all the time. :) It’s amazing to me that a person I’ve never met has impacted me in such a way as you have.
    You are so inspiring to me!

    I’m sorry to hear that Louis is having such a hard time. I will pray that all will go well and he can stay by August….and you guys!

    Amy :)

    • Thank you, Amy. And gosh, I think about people I’ve never met all the time–blogging changes things like that.

  7. Go for it–whine your heart out. You’ve earned it. Hope Louis heals up soon, preferably right where he’s at. Other than bummed, how are you feeling?

    • I’m doing pretty good–even with all the twins’ drama, it’s still so much less than the Charlie drama.

  8. Hey there – here you don’t have to apologize for whining, and you don’t have to compare your woes to others’ or your previous woes. It is enough that you have woes. Maybe this hospital stay isn’t as bad as Charlie’s was but you still get to whine about it when you don’t take your babies home from the hospital – that alone deserves a high end whine. And two babies in two hospitals while pumping? Double whine approved. No apologies required. Just give us stories and pictures and we will be happy. Seehow easy that will be?

    • Ginger, you make an excellent point about not comparing my woes to others. I’ll do my best to just honor that feelings and then get on with the business of life.

  9. Oh honey, that’s not whining, that is worrying. And you are completely entitled to it! One baby in the hospital is hard enough, two is even harder. Plus you have sweet Charlie at home needing you. I’m going to just pray that Louis gets better quickly and can stay at the same hospital. I know more tubes are no fun, but hopefully they’ll get this all under control fast and you can take them both home soon.

    • Thank you. So far Louis is doing exactly what he’s supposed to do, so hopefully he keeps in up and manages to stay put.

  10. Whine away, babe! I can’t imagine how stressful it is to be recovering from surgery, with one kid at home wanting you, two babies in a hospital, and now possibly in two different hospitals! That’s a lot to worry about, without even throwing in the fact that, you know, everyone still has to eat and have clean clothes and you still have to shower and sleep sometimes!
    Big, big hugs for you and all your boys. I’ll be praying for Louie to recover asap!

    • Thank you, Sarah. We’re jugging around here for sure, but luckily my MIL has really been helping us out, so it’s not nearly as bad as it could be.

  11. Any chance they would move both the boys? Thinking of you and your bunch of boys!!

    • More likely that they would move Louie and then move him back when they were able. Only problem is that our insurance would have to approve the second transfer and we know how agreeable insurance companies can be.

  12. Andrea S says:

    Sorry about this! I’ll be thinking about you and your boys…

  13. Katy,

    First off—ALLOW yourself, give yourself permission to feel BLUE. There’s no reason you can’t/shouldn’t. Trying to bury any feelings will only magnify them.

    Preemies can definitely throw you for a loop, and I hope they won’t have to move Louis. My girls had feeding tubes, too, which was not fun for them or for me, but sometimes it’s the best way. And it sounds like these docs definitely know what they’re doing with the IV situation.

    Go easy on yourself. And yes, the breastmilk is good for them, but if I were you (beware, unsolicited advice coming), I would skip session in the middle of the night every now and then. Unless you do it regularly, your supply won’t suffer. But you need sleep, and your body still needs time to rest/recover. This advice was given to me by one of the NICU nurses, and it was some of the smartest stuff I got. I encourage you to do it. Even if you only sleep an extra hour or two, it can make all the difference in the world.

    Hang in there, Katy. So many of us are rooting for you and your little men. I know this will pass, but it just sucks in the meantime.

    LOVE & HUGS,
    erin

    • Thank you so much, Erin.

      And here’s my confession, if you can call it that: I decided right away that I would take a longer stretch every night and let myself have some sleep. I did the every three hours things with Charlie and sleep deprivation does nothing to help a person’s stress levels. It’s more important to me to stay sane than have milk at two am. The boys can have a little formula if that’s what it comes to.

  14. I think you’ve been very upbeat and very strong through out all of the this and I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to have two different hospitals to keep up with… no fun. So you can whine all you want.

    Big Hugs!!!

    • Thank, Nadine. You’re right–two hospitals would be no fun. I’ll just have to keep reminding Louis of that.

  15. I’m pretty sure I’d be a big, whailing, temper-tantrumy, “it’s not fair” mess right now. You are handling it all so well . . . even just being upbeat most of the time. It is unfair. I really really hope things work out better than expected, he gets to stay at the hospital with his brother, and both are home soon.

    • Ooooh. . . I would love to get them all home. He’s doing well so far and I’m just going to hope that they’re able to get a good line on him and he can stay put.

  16. I heard no whining! I heard a very strong mom sharing a little about the challenges most will never imagine. Sending some energy for Louis and yourself! Remember not to beat yourself up over every decision… there is never a perfect one. With you nearby he will keep getting stronger.

  17. I am so sorry! Praying for you all!

  18. Hope they find the veins just fine, and everything stabilizes quickly. I know plenty of other twin moms who had their kids in different hospitals, and remember, it’s only temporary. Also, I found that one of my twins was always the one who “had more issues” and the other just kept truckin’. I think you know who that will be for you!

  19. Lord girl…you go right ahead and whine all you want. I was so hoping that the twins were going to go close to full-term and that you were going to get to take them home right away…if the universe was keeping score, it would know that you don’t need this…you’ve already done your share of crappy baby stuff. Hugs to you and all your beautiful family. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that Louis doesn’t need to move.

  20. Shana Killingsworth says:

    We love you. Prayers still coming your way.

  21. Whine, whine whine all you want! I am sending prayers your way that he stays put with you all!
    hugs

  22. It’s your blog and you can whine if you want to… you know that song, right? 😉 I really hope he gets better soon and without having to move to the other hospital. For everyone’s sake. I thought of you all and sent a prayer up as we passed by you today. Lots of love and hugs my dear….

  23. I’m thinking of you and those boys. A lot.

  24. {{hugs}} praying for all of you!

  25. Praying, keep holding on my friend! Can’t wait see your beautiful boys. All three of them!

  26. If there was a situation that called for some whining, this would be it! Two babies in two different hospital does NOT sound fun in any way, shape or form. Praying that both boys continue to do well and that the hospital across the lake doesn’t have to happen. Also, I feel your pain with the pump. Hated that thing when Emily was in the NICU.

  27. That would be SO difficult. I am praying for you & the boys & hope all is working out for you!!!

  28. my twins were separated into different hospitals for everal weeks. my mom had found on tje transferees hospitals website that it was their policy to tryto keep twins togethed….once we pointed this out to them..they made accomodations to move the non critocal twin over….ask to transfer them both!