So I’m Not Superwoman

superwoman logo (big pink S)

On Friday I had a fantastic appointment with the doctor who looks at the babies. They both are continuing  to wiggle and grow. They both like to kick my anatomy, open and close their mouths, and avoid any and all tests the doctors may attempt. The personal ad practically writes itself.

The general consensus seems to be that Baby B probably caught the Parvo virus, but he was big enough to fight it off without requiring serious intervention (a.k.a. The Needle of Doom).

So, with things looking so good, my doctor has decided to space out our visits to every two weeks. Then he began to broach the topic of releasing me back to my original OBGYN.

I started to panic a little. While I wouldn’t never want there to be anything wrong with the twins, the scrutiny and extra appointments have really helped me keep my sanity during this pregnancy. Most days I feel pretty confident that the babies are doing well.

In the back of head, though, I know that Charlie was supposedly doing well at this point too. When I think back over my last pregnancy, my mommy instinct tells me that things didn’t head south for my little one until the very end.

And I get scared. Scared that another “typical” pregnancy will end in disaster and I’ll be sitting in a cold hospital room wondering if the whole thing has been some sort of awful dream. It’s not rational, it has absolutely no logical basis, but it sits there in the back of my mind–the fear. I’m not superwoman–I’m not even a distant relative–I’m just a regular girl who would like to take home her babies after a couple of days and with as few diagnoses and possible.

So the thought of being dismissed from the specialty doc, while excellent news, didn’t exactly fill me with joy. And while there is absolutely nothing I hate less than appearing weak, I told the doctor “please don’t dismiss me early.” Let me tell you–that wasn’t easy for me AT ALL. He and the ultrasound tech started laughing and wanted to know why–I mean, what woman in her right mind wants to keep going to the doctor?

So I was honest, even though it was hard, and just told them both that the visits were reassuring and that I was nervous. In fact, I might have said, “if you need to check off the box that says Mom is Neurotic, go ahead.”

We all had a good chuckle and the doctor said that he’ll keep me for growth scans until the end of my pregnancy, but he doesn’t think we’ll need to do many more anemia checks.

It’s hard to admit weakness. It’s difficult to let others know that you’re anything less than serene and rational.

But sometimes you gotta do just that. Sometimes your sanity depends on it.

Less than eight weeks to go!

 

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Comments

  1. So glad the babies are doing well!

  2. Cheryl says:

    So glad to hear the babies are doing well! I had the same fear during my pregnancy with my twins, and Luke didn’t even have problems at birth..but that fear was always in the back of my mind. It’s ok to admit weakness from time to time, we are only human!

    • I do think the twins thing makes it scarier. You hear so many stories about twins and complications, and that can be hard to shake when you’re already hormonal.

  3. evelyn says:

    don’t kid yourself, katy. you ARE superwoman. even superman got scairt some times!

  4. You might now be superwoman, but you are a caring, conscientious woman. And you are willing to speak up for you. And your babies. And that is so important. Never underestimation your intuition. More people should listen to it. We are given it for a reason. Embrace it.

    • Completely agree on the intuition thing, Becca. These days I consider it my best resource when caring for Charlie–what does my gut say?

      I hope you are enjoying your new digs!

  5. I think your honesty is best, and I don’t think your fears are unreasonable. We all get scared. Glad they are doing so well! You should celebrate with cute new slip on shoes!

  6. Cheryl says:

    Hi,it’s me again.I didn’t mean you are weak, did not word that right, I apologize. That’s why I read other blogs now instead of writing my own! You are an inspiration and I look forward to every new post!

    • Cheryl:
      After I read this comment I had to go back and re-read the other one. I think you said things just right the first time :)

  7. Knowing that this (also my second) pregnancy is being monitored by a high-risk OB gives me such peace of mind, so don’t feel bad for admitting you need that! My high-risk OB said that right now, he only needs to see me every month or so (I’m only 13 weeks) but will see me as often as needed to give me peace of mind. I literally looked him in the eye and said, “same time tomorrow?” Now, I’m not going for daily appointments . . . but for real, I wasn’t totally kidding!

    • I know what you mean! For me, I feel more and more at peace as things progress and I can see that they are doing well. Although I’ll feel even better when they’re out and in my arms!

  8. Uh, I totally get the desire to be at the doctor practically daily. It always made me feel better to get a peek inside, even if you know mentally that seeing it doesn’t necessarily HELP anything.

    • I think it was Swistle who said they should install a little porthole so we can check on our babies every day :) I’m like you–the looking really helps relieve my tension in a way that nothing else does.

  9. WOW! Less than 8 wks. I am excited for you.

    They had me on stress tests for my last 2 months of my 3rd pregnancy and I hated going, but I did because it was reassuring. So you are not the only neurotic mom out there. It seems it is something you catch the moment you pee on the stick. :)

  10. This one made me teary. I totally know the fear you’re describing. I think that once you’ve had a pregnancy go south (I’ve had 2 out of 6 end in disaster), you never again relax and assume the next one will be fine. With my last one (he’s 7 weeks old now), he never gave us a reason to worry… so instead I convinced myself that I was the one who was going to die. Ridiculous! But I’m still shocked that we’re both fine!
    8 weeks?! It’s going so fast! Can’t wait to “meet” them!

  11. I’m just so glad you spoke up! I have a hard time with that myself sometimes but I think when it’s REALLY important we know and we do it. Good for you momma! And keep up the awesome gestating honey! See you soon… :)

  12. I requested the high risk doctor to keep me for the same reason. I’m glad he/or she was willing to keep you!

  13. Hard to admit weakness, it may be, but every time you do I only love your heart more. I sit here nodding in complete understanding. I can relate.

  14. What? You mean, you’re NOT superwoman? Hmm. I could have sworn…
    Katy, you’re doing so fantastic. Glad you had the strength to admit why you were nervous. I would have put on a TShirt that said “Scared out of my freakin mind” the second I became pregnant and never taken it off.
    Awesome news about the babies!

  15. I don’t blame you one teeny bit for being scared. I think it’s great that you’re taking a proactive approach to your pregnancy, though. It’s okay to be cautious, even though everything will very likely be just fine.

    • Well, thanks, Sarah. I can usually be pretty sane about things, but it’s nice to be reassured too.

  16. Kudos to you! I know exactly what you mean about struggling to ask for help. I am glad that you gave the doc the honest truth and were able to get what you and the babies need. Sounds like this doc is pretty great! Can it really be less than 8 weeks already? Wow! So exciting!

    • Well, they took like four weeks off of my pregnancy, so it seems to be going even faster than normal. I’m in shock every time I figure out how much longer we have left!

      This doctor has been very nice. Actually, when I told him he could check off the neurotic box, he said there was no such box, and if there were, he’d have to check it off for pretty much everyone–I thought that was a nice thing to say.

  17. Way to go Katy! I’m glad you told the doc you wanted to stay with his practice. You should–besides the fact I think your pregnancy still puts you in the “high risk” category–more importantly, YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR CARE. That’s #1.
    And 8 weeks to go!?!? That is FANTASTIC. Keep cooking those twinkies! I am so excited for you! Try to take it easy, and enjoy your kicks from the babes!

    • Enjoy the kicks! Okay, sometime it’s cool, but other times. . . yeouch! I agree with you that the most important thing is that I feel comfortable and luckily my family has been really support of this as well, which I think makes it a lot easier to ask for what I want.

  18. I think it’s pretty “super” that you spoke up about your concerns. Also, how you could diffuse any potential awkwardness with humor (“check off the box”). You seem like a very positive person, and I think all three of your boys have a very super mom.

    • Thank you. I inherently see the humor in most situations–it’s usually a good thing, but I’ll admit that sometimes it makes me giggle at inappropriate times!

  19. You have to be very brave to ask for help, especially from a quasi stranger,and especially for us do-it-all-and-then-some special needs moms.

    Good for you – you inspire me to tell my son’s doctor this morning that if they can’t fix his insomnia, they’ll need to check off the “Mom is Neurotic” box for me as well 😉

    Keep up the good work – you’re an excellent mom!

    M

    • oh, kiddos with insomnia! That is so, so rough. We’ve actually already chatted with Charlie’s neuro about his complete disinterest in sleep and it was a wonderful talk. I would run, not walk to that appointment!

  20. This is a very real fear for you. I am very glad that you will continue to see the specialist. Not just for the babies but you own peace of mind. there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

    I do the same thing for the dentist.

    I think you are a supermom… look at all you’ve done with Charlie.

    Hugs!!

    • Thanks, Nadine. It is a very real fear–not something distant, but something that grabs me and won’t let go. You worded that just right!

  21. This post made my heart hurt a little for you, but it also made me smile. I can SO understand wanting that eagle eye until the end. We did a high risk pregnancy for Sabrina, and it comforted me every time to have all those visits and sonograms. Oh, and Katie, you look so gorgeous in those prego photos! It’s like you should be on the cover of Prego Monthly or something.

    • Well thanks, Ellen! I have heard that Prego Monthly is still looking for their June centerfold, so maybe I should give them a call 😉

      It’s funny because no part of this was supposed to be emotional, but when I was writing that bit about how fearful I am, I definitely got a little emotional. Funny how those things go. I am getting a lot of reassurance out of the ultrasounds, so I’m glad we’re keeping them up til the end!

  22. It was very brave of you to admit you needed help.

    They actually put a sign on me at work once years ago that said, “Ask me if I need help.” So I know. 😉

    • I’m not alone, huh? Now that you mention it, I’m not real great at accepting help at work either.