Jealousy Jane

Sometimes I think it’s good to get stuff off your chest–it lets you breathe. I want this blog to be about living joyfully and sometimes you have to bare your soul a little to get to the joy. Like when I was teaching and a kid drove me crazy, I would finally break down and admit to myself that you just weren’t going to like every student and that was OK as long as you were still fair with every student. Every single time, I liked the student more the very next day. Just something about putting it out there, offering it up to God, or whatever your particular spiritual beliefs are, made it better.

So today Internets, I’m letting it all hang out. I’m a jealous Jane today and I don’t like that version of myself, so I’m writing it down and letting it go.

I’m jealous of:

  • People who have four perfectly normal children when I have only one who’s not perfectly normal.
  • People who have the time and money to go to the gym.
  • CP kids that can talk.
  • People who get pregnant and never worry one little bit.

There it is. I’m done. I know I have a wonderful, blessed life, but I wanted to share that I struggle too.

Any jealousies you’d like to get off your chest?

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  1. I absolutely love love love this: "Sometimes I think it's good to get stuff off your chest–it lets you breathe. Maybe it's my I want this blog to be about living joyfully and sometimes you have to bare your soul a little to get to the joy." Thank you for writing it.

  2. Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me says:

    Is it ok to be jealous that you got to go to Blissdom? if so, I am. But if we are limited {ha,ha} to SN issues…pull up a chair. I am jealous that out of 25 grandchildren only mine was "special". I am jealous of people who did not have to quit their jobs and lose their homes to care for their medically fragile child. Yeah, ok so mostly thats it. I await my joy…thank you.

  3. You are not alone, but perhaps use fewer words and get on quicker.

  4. I would have to say all of the above except the gym one. I've started trying to get that done at home!!

    I get jealous of so many things even though I love my life so I totally understand.

    I get jealous of moms that seems to spend so much time working with their kiddos, when I have days I just want to do nothing.

  5. you write so beautifully. let's see… i wish i had an art talent like yours (or any talent, for that matter)! you have an incredible gift. i'm trying to persuade my hubby to buy me a gift from your site! =)

    other things… oh, yeah, the pregnancy part… i'm TERRIFIED to get pregnant again since i had a very scary pregnancy at the end. however i really want another baby.

    i'm also jealous of people who say they want to get pregnant… and get pregnant within months… when i have to do IVF.

    what else… i'm also jealous of people who can eat breads and sweets and not have a HUGE (no pun intended) weight problem like i do. oh, and i'm really jealous of my friends who have laid-back & ultra-affectionate husbands… when my husband and i are going through a rough patch.

    i'm also jealous of people who aren't huge worriers like i am.

    last one — i'm jealous of parents who have kids who don't hit/kick/push when they don't get their way. who can actually RELAX at playdates when i'm a nervous wreck, watching my kid — afraid he's going to hit or throw a sippy cup in a kid's face for no reason (like he did last month).

    i guess those are my main "jealousies". jealousy isn't quite the right word for my feelings, though… it's more like envy. and, believe me, i know how blessed and lucky i am… and i thank G-d every day for all the joy in my life — most specifically, for my son. he is not the easiest child but i wouldn't trade him (or his personality)for the world.

    aah — i feel so much better now. thanks for letting me vent! love your blog! =)

  6. MelissaInk says:

    A few hours ago, I would have said, "People that are so sure about the decisions they make regarding their children." A friend and I had a big conversation about this and she's convinced that people who are loud and "so sure" about their parenting are just insecure. They WANT to be right, but inside they're not convinced they're right (otherwise, they wouldn't be trying to convince you). I think that makes a lot of sense.

    So, I'm jealous of …

    People who are the life of the party (in a good way).
    People who drive a car/truck/van they love.
    People who are even-tempered.
    People who have babysitters every weekend.
    People with popular and beautiful paper crafting blogs (where do they find the time to create AND blog?).

    Thanks for letting me get that off my chest :)

  7. MeghatronsMom says:

    I too am jealous of those who have all typical children & I can't even do one right. I agree with the pg one too, except also those who get pg so easily. I am jealous of those who can send their children off to school without a care. I am jealous of Jenny Mc.Carthy cause she is not in debt up to her eyeballs like us to pay for her kid's therapy.

  8. Ditto!

    And I'm jealous, even feel hateful at times, of the moms who I see at the park or in the mall play areas who are sitting down reading a book or talking intently to other moms while their kids run wild and play so carefree. (Do they know how easy they really have it?) I am this hovering presence, breaking my back, over my daughter's every move the whole time because if I don't help her or look away for ONE second a serious fall or head injury could be the result. She is not independent of me completely and requires at least close supervision and a held held at all times. I need a break too, just like that momma reading her dang book.

  9. I have a ton of envies. I started to post about my envies to be a Jealousy Jane copy cat, but when I start to think about those things I get really overwhelmed. Can you tell I'm an emotional stuffer from way back?

    I think you're absolutely right though – sometimes talking about what we wish we could have sure does feel good.

  10. Oh Katy, you crack me up!
    I have to say I am jealous of people whose kids can eat. I know I shouldn't be but eating is such a basic thing. It just seems so wrong for a kid not to eat. Well, maybe she will be after recent attempts!

  11. Nadine Hightower says:

    skinny bitches!

  12. thank you Katy for posting this.

    I guess, I need to be more honest in my blog…look at all the support you got! :)

    I, too, am jealous of people who have a brood of healthy kids. There are several families in my church who have 4-5 kids and I'm so jealous!

    I had a wonderful pregnancy – it was the delivery that ruined everything for us. IF I ever got to be lucky enough to get prego again…..I'd feel confident that a scheduled C-section would make things OK. Maybe I'm fooling myself, but I'd be ok with that.

    I'm jealous of:
    – Kids who eat by mouth
    – Kids who can talk
    – Kids who can crawl
    – Kids who can walk
    – Kids who can sit
    – Kids who can hold toys
    – Kids who can make a toy work
    – Kids who put toys in their mouth
    – Kids who are potty train(ing)(ed)

  13. Oh, I'm jealous alright.
    -I'm jealous of the moms who get so frustrated with their kids' whining and complaining, incessant chattering, etc. I wish I had those "problems".
    -I'm jealous of the moms who have family closer than 2000 miles away who offer support, babysitting, another set of hands.
    -I'm jealous of the moms who have a kid like mine and STILL feel willing to have another baby. I want their confidence.
    -I'm jealous of the moms who worry about saving for college, when I'm worrying about another kind of institution.
    -I'm jealous of the old me.

  14. Yes – we must be on the same wavelength lately:

    -jealous of kids who had similar accidents but recover better or are perfectly fine
    -jealous of real "bloggers", I'm just someone who blogs
    -jealous of families who can go somewhere as a family and actually enjoy themselves with all their kids!

  15. Oh goodness. What a great post. And reading the comments has given me "some huge perspective". Sometimes i need that.

    My jealousies:

    – other mom's of twins / preemies that are "typcially-developing" (especially when they were born earlier than mine and are still fine)
    – people that live in warmer climates (so jealous that you live in Louisiana and I'm stuck here in the cold and snow)
    – people that have found their passion (i'm still looking)

  16. I love that you have turned this into an open forum for us to 'release' whatever it is that's been nagging. Sometimes it does just feel better to admit something and move on, doesn't it?

  17. Thank you for this post- I have been needing permission to do this for awhile now!
    -jealous of parents who have enough energy & money to travel to a therapy that is not in their area
    -jealous of cp kids who are mobile & talking
    -jealous of Michelle Duggar who has 18 drop dead gorgous children & only 1 SN baby
    -husbands/fathers who don't go on a bender at the 20 week ultrasound
    -wives/mothers who have emotional support from the people who are close to them

  18. Katy, you make me smile. And it was therapeutic to read things that other people are jealous of, too!

    Ok, here goes…

    I am jealous of parents whose kids sleep.

    I'm jealous of women who have normal pregnancies/deliveries and get to enjoy the first years of their child's life with only the usual "Mommy worries". I guess the down side to that is that they don't know how lucky they are. Now I know that I'm lucky.

    I'm jealous of photographers who know how to market themselves and get their names and work out in the public.

    I'm jealous of friends and family who get to raise their kids around the people that they love.

    Ok, I feel better now! Thanks!

  19. Yeah, I'm with you on the gym membership thing. I get jealous of people with cars that aren't held together with duct-tape, too.

    BTW, that is awesome news about Charlie's chair for free!

  20. I usually try to focus on the things I like about my life, but here goes:

    I'm jealous of people who are energetic (I'm really not at all)
    I'm jealous of people who have creative jobs (though I love mine, I really do- engineering is at best somewhat dry)
    I'm jealous of people who have nice "grownup" houses
    I'm jealous of people who went to private colleges
    I'm jealous of people who are happily married to their first husbands
    I'm jealous of people who are snazzy dressers (I'm so self conscious)
    I'm jealous of people who have already started their families

    But usually, I try to reframe jealousy as admiration in my mind, if that makes sense. So I'm not all like "I'm jealous of how energetic so and so is" instead I think "Wow. It's so awesome that so and so has so much energy! I wish I knew her secret." :)

  21. I am jealous that I have never heard Alan speak.
    I am jealous that I will never hear him call me mom, or tell me that he loves me.

    There are lots of little things that I am jealous of.

  22. I love this post. I have a just a couple of things I am jealous of (at this moment):
    -people who can blissfully enter (and exit) pregnancy
    -people who can just go to bed at night and not have to hook their kid up to a feeding pump and hope and pray their kid doesn't puke all night and lose the calories they just got
    -people whose kids sleep at night
    -people with SN kids who have truly mastered the ability to not worry about their child's future but can instead really just take it one day at a time.
    Thanks for this opportunity.

  23. luckeyfrog says:

    I started to write a quick comment and then decided I needed more than that:

  24. I am jealous of those who have children, when I have none at all.
    I am jealous because I don't have anyone in my life who really loves me.
    I am jealous of those who are living and enjoying their lives when I seem to just be going through the motions.

  25. It IS good to get these types of things off your chest! I am also jealous of people who have time and money for the gym…and for home improvements…and for vacations.

  26. AMEN to the going to the gym part.
    I am jealous of those that can put their kids in the daycare at gyms, mine cannot because he has seizures. I am jealous of those that can have more children. I am jealous of those with a lot of money that don't have to work and can stay home with their kids. I am jealous of those women that somehow find a way to be perfectly clean, and organized.
    There ya go, now I feel horrible, ha! jk

  27. Hmmm. Let me think:

    • Like you, jealous of families with lots of typical kids.
    • I'm jealous of women who are effortlessly slim (aka Nadine's "skinny bitches.")
    • I'm jealous of women who never lose their temper.

  28. They might get pregnant and not worry about it…until it is go time. As you know, you never see what life is going to throw at you until it has hit you in the face. Jealousy for me is of those confident artists who start online businesses, buy supplies, make notecards, and just go for it. Hmmmm…sound familiar. I am jealous of you, but I love you anyway. I am just not as brave as you are.

  29. If we're lettin' it all hang out, here's mine:
    It's not fair that my sister and I have both been pregnant 5 times, but she's got 5 and I have 1. But, I'm lucky to have him and I thank God every day.

  30. Damn, I am late to the pity party. But I want to be here!!

    I am jealous of moms who can afford to stay home with their kids instead of working full time and being consumed with guilt and fear they aren't doing enough for their SN kids.
    I am jealous of wives with husbands who aren't lazy about giving their kids the time and attention they need without excessive nagging and prodding.
    I am jealous of moms whose babies do things on "normal timelines.
    I am jealous of moms with kids who won't die if they miss a meal.
    I am jealous of skinny people.

    So there! I am an a-hole!

    I love you, Katy!

  31. ok, I'm going to get this off my chest on your blog since I cant do it on my own because I dont want to hurt the feelings of my frieds:

    I'm jealousy of people who have perfectly healthy developing kids, who never spent a day in a medical office for more than a well-baby check or an ear infection.

    I'm jealous of people whos kids can use their hands, move their arms without looking like frankenstein, can feed their kids food off their own plate because they arent tube fed and allergic to everything under the sun. Then there is the obvious stuff like talking and walking and singing.

    I'm jealous of parents that get to think about parenting issues like how to raise the best person possible, appropriate discipline and teaching sharing and they arent spending their parenting time trying to manage siezures and medications, and therapies and equipment.

    I'll never forget when Robert and I were doing our marriage counseling and our pastor was discussing issues that tend to become divisive in marriages and asked what our approach was going to be to disciplining Paxson when the time came (he was only 6 months old) We laughed about it later like that was the least of our worries, we both agreed if Paxson cussed us out and ran away, we would be so excited that he was talking and walking :)

    ok, almost done – the real thing that drives me crazy is stay at home moms with supportive husbands and normal kids who complain about how hectic their days are how their kids drive them crazy and their house is a mess.
    I just want to shake them and tell them how lucky they are.

    thanks for letting me do this