Beliefs

Well, I’m tired of looking at that last post, but I really don’t have anything so today I’m putting up a list.

When it comes to raising a kid with special needs, I believe the following:

  1. Somebody else always has it worse than you.
  2. Somebody always has it better.
  3. Better or worse has no effect on happiness. None.
  4. The scariest thing about raising a kid with special needs isn’t the limitations–it’s the potential and how to unlock it.
  5. Nutrition is incredibly important.
  6. Vaccines should be treated with the utmost care.
  7. Your kid is more typical than you may think.
  8. There is no magical piece of equipment that will make your child walk/talk/pick up their head/crawl. That stuff takes hours of hard work on the part of many people.
  9. The best wisdom comes from people who have been there/done that/bought the t-shirt.
  10. The best wisdom does not come from your doctors.
  11. Doctors work from generalities and your child is specific–don’t forget that.
  12. Always look at the kid–even if the tests look bad–look at the kid.
  13. Go with your gut.
  14. IQ is a measure of what you should know versus what you actually know–potential is immeasurable.
  15. I no longer believe that brain damage=intellectual deficit. There are exceptions to this, but go ahead and assume that your child understands, explain consequences, and talk to them through out the day. Their bodies may belie their true understanding. Giving them the benefit of the doubt is free.
  16. If a doctor tells you that you child will never be normal, ask them for the definition of normal.
  17. Your kid is worth it–if a doctor cannot see you child’s worth, get a different doctor. Yesterday.
  18. Your child is normal. Disability is a normal part of the human condition.
  19. Don’t worry about whether or not you’re making a friend uncomfortable talking about therapy or equipment or whatever. If they’re any kind of friend, they’ll figure out how to listen. Some people will be uncomfortable until they know the right language to use so use words like “disabled” and “special needs” around them so they know it’s OK.
  20. Looking at someone else’s kid and being jealous is kind of like staring at somebody else’s apple pie when you’ve got a slice of rhubarb right in front of you–time to figure out how to like rhubarb because that, my friend, is the slice you’ve been given.
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Comments

  1. Some good beliefs compiled here–probably would be very helpful to a new mother of special needs.

  2. great list. love #20. :)

  3. really love the list, katy. gonna link to it, even though i have a gazillion backlogged blog posts that i really should write… just.too.tired.

  4. therextras says:

    Well said, Katy.

    Emphasizing number 8 – the equipment helps the adults help the children. I need to emphasize this more.

    Barbara

  5. MeghatronsMom says:

    That is great! Loves it!

  6. Great post, Katy! Very insightful.

  7. Wherever HE Leads We'll Go says:

    Number 20 hit me right between the eyes. Love it!

  8. You go girl! Love it!
    All so true!

  9. Love this list Katy! You're awesome. Hope it's Ok, I'm going to link to your list from blog. It's too awesome not to share.

    Cary

  10. Oh Katy. I sure do love you.

    The last four really strike a chord (is that spelled right? I have no idea). It is beautiful and honest and real. And while I know it is especially relevant when you've experienced the number of doctors & specialists & diagnoses that you & Charlie have, it is also relevant to ALL parents.

    Perfect. That's what this post is.

  11. I read you alot but don't post but I have to say GREAT LIST!

  12. Mamá Terapeuta says:

    Katy, I wish I would have realized all of this as early as you have! It took me almost 4 years, but we finally learned ;)

  13. Katy,
    LOVE this LIST!!! So great especially for new parents! I agree with Jenn, b/c it's so hard to know to trust yourself when you've never been through it before! I wish I had known these things when Faith was a baby. They are all so true and so important to remember. The biggest thing for me was learning to trust my gut! I had to fall on my face w/ alot of dr's before I learned that valuable lesson!

  14. fabulous Katy! A+!!!

  15. "The scariest thing about raising a kid with special needs isn't the limitations–it's the potential and how to unlock it"

    ~~ This is the thing I think about All The Time

    So true.

  16. I love your list. Charlie is so lucky to have a Mom like you.

    Billie

  17. Katy, I'm a visitor from Barbara. Just wanted to let you know that you are a rock star. I'm showing this list to my hubby & posting it on the fridge for future reference:)

  18. I've been following your story for some time now, and thought you might find this interesting:
    http://bendbulletin.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090903/NEWS0107/909030316/1041&nav_category=

  19. Very, very insightful. And how could a person not love pie in general? Charlie is absolutely perfect, and perfect for you. Look at how many people you've helped just by writing this list (and not to mention all your other posts.) You are walking the path meant for you and Charlie's the one that helped you get there. Enjoy that little slice of rhubarb pie.

  20. Very, very insightful. And how could a person not love pie in general? Charlie is absolutely perfect, and perfect for you. Look at how many people you've helped just by writing this list (and not to mention all your other posts.) You are walking the path meant for you and Charlie's the one that helped you get there. Enjoy that little slice of rhubarb pie.

  21. Very well said!!

  22. AMEN!!!! I agree with every single one of these. I'm linking to you too!

    xo
    Ellen

  23. Just found your blog through Lisa's new sidebar :) LOVE this list. All so true, but #4 rings especially true to me right now. Looking forward to reading more of your blog :)

  24. Thank you for #20!! Love it.

  25. While your list is true for Special Needs children, I feel it is true for all of life in general. And I just love #20. Thanks!
    (I got you from Lisa S's brand new side bar!)

  26. Great list and definately makes sense to me! Hope you don't mind if I repost and link it back to your blog. Thanks!

  27. Katy, you rock. Thank you.