Fin

There’s been something going on in my personal life and I haven’t mentioned it because I haven’t known how to begin or what to say or how to respect all the parties involved. But things are pretty much wrapping up and I guess it’s OK to say something now.

My BIL and SIL are getting a divorce.

I know it’s not a BIG deal. They’re both young, there are no kids, and they’ll both be able to go on their separate ways with almost no aggravation. They were due for a move to The Great North so my husband’s brother will head on alone and his wife (ex-wife?) will do whatever it is she wants to.

The thing is, we were friends. The SIL and I. We hung out, went shopping, took pictures. We painted, I bounced business ideas off of her.

And now she’s gone.

I was, of course, upset to hear it, but what can you do? I sent her an e-mail expressing the fact that the divorce didn’t mean the end of our friendship and she didn’t respond. So I left it at that. I mean, these things happen, right? It’s not like it happened TO ME. I’m just an innocent bystander really.

Today the BIL came to today with bags and boxes of things from his old apartment. Tomorrow he drives off to the The Great North. As he was un-loading everything he handed me a plastic bag with a V-tech toy and some clothes in size 24 months. He said, “this stuff is for Charlie’s birthday.” That’s when it hit me–that sad little plastic bag. She was always the one to take care of things like birthday cards and presents. A little note to cheer you up.

And now she’s gone.

I know that I’ll be fine. I think my BIL will be fine. But that’ s doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her.

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Comments

  1. Mmmm heart wrenching. With Time it's ok to talk with her again, I mean she was your friend. Three years plus later I am now able to freely talk to my ex's mom. We were good friends for a long time, but divorce hurts everyone not just the private parties involved. My thoughts are with u guys.

  2. I'm guessing this is the SIL I met in Plano in Feb? You guys did seem more like friends than in-laws. So sorry to hear the news.

    I recently had the same experience with my BIL and SIL. She is still my "facebook friend" and we email once in a blue moon, but it is just not the same (although we never lived in the same town, so it is not like we were that close).

  3. We had a BIL that we really liked and enjoyed talking to and hanging out with and my SIL divorced him and married some guy we've never met. It was tough on us, too. Divorce doesn't just touch the two parties. We still miss him. How sad is that?

  4. So sorry to hear that, Katy.
    Isn't that hard to deal with? I am so sorry for everyone involved. Maybe she just needs a cooling off period, to gather herself and see how people deal with these things. I am sure she is in recovery mode. Sending positive thoughts your way!

  5. Don't take it personally that she didn't respond. I was never super-close with my ex-husband's family but some of them still contact me and it's annoying. It's not at all that I don't like them, but, for me, it just hurts and is a reminder of everything that went on. It's an iffy situation! Sucks though how it affects you.

  6. Seriously sucks. I've had friends divorce and unfortunately the nature of it is that there is a custody arrangement of sorts with friends too. I'm sorry.

  7. She may come around eventually.
    Giver her time to process it all…and figure out who she is again. If you are able to have a relationship with her again someday, just set some ground rules about what things should NOT be talked about :)

    My two best friends from high school ended up getting married….and then later divorced!

    It's really hard being friends with both afterwards! They have 2 kids. I had to choose a side (I chose hers). But still have contact with him on FB. Sometimes I just don't know what to say!

    Good luck!

  8. Nadine Hightower says:

    Give it some time. She needs her space to get things sorted out. And see that you are not "a spy."
    When my BIL and SIL got the bigD, I wanted very much to maintain my relationship with her. We had known each other for a long time. But pressure from my hub and his father made stop commicating with her. That's way it had to be to keep the peace.
    We all went on with our lives. A few years ago, she married my cousin. A man that she was inlove with in high school!! And now we are friends again and she shows up at all the family things again…but on the right side this time!

    Don't give up her. Just give her time.

    And yes I love my Red Bean Dream cards!!!

  9. Small Town Girl says:

    She didn't just divorce him. She divorced the whole family. Maybe she just needs a little time and she'll come to you when she's ready. It might make things easier since BIL is moving and won't be around all the time. Only time will tell. I think I'd probably wait a couple months and shoot her an e-mail or call her and tell her you miss her. My guess is she'd appreciate it.

  10. Connor's Mom says:

    Oh, that's got to be so hard. I'm with the other commenters– you probably remind her of him and she just needs some space right now to pick up the pieces.

    On a totally different topic . . . wish I was down there right now to meet up with you guys– I'll be headed to Allen (just north of Plano) in September for three weeks. I'll just miss you, dang it!

    ~Jess

  11. Divorce sucks! I am so sorry. When our friends got a divorce, we lost both of them because they both moved away. He still doesn't do anything to stay in contact. She is a facebook friend. I still don't do well with it. We will be thinking of your family.