Writing When You Don’t Feel Like It

I feel like death is following me around.

It isn’t, of course, but I’m still feeling the presence all around me.

My grandfather was given six months to live a while back and his health started to really decline in the beginning of December. He doesn’t want to eat and his hospice care taker thinks that he pretty much needs to stay in bed. When a man is as old as he is, you know he’s going to die. That isn’t making it any easier on my mother. Truthfully, I’m more worried about her than him and I worried the whole time I was lying around the hospital with Charlie.

Then, yesterday, my SIL’s father died. She’s only like twenty-five and her mother died at this time of year last year. I know they were a little older, but neither of them were seventy or anything. He was here one day and the next day he was gone–they suspect he had a heart-attack while driving. I feel terrible for her–she has one brother and the two of them are going to have to deal with things like inheritance or probate, funeral arrangements, selling his house, and who knows what else. Yuck, Yuck, Yuck.

I’m a pretty faithful person and I don’t worry about people after they die. I do spend a lot of time worrying about everyone else, though. Death is always an icky process whether it’s quick or drawn-out. There are so many details and I can’t imagine trying to handle them when you’ve got a huge loss to process as well. Even if you have a lot of faith, I think death is hard on the living both emotionally and mentally.

What a great holiday.

On a lighter note, I guest posted over at Ellen’s and it should have gone up yesterday (Jan 1st). Check it out!

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  1. Nadine Hightower says:

    No matter who it is….death is not easy.

    And the main problem to deal with is the ones left behind.
    My daughter is firm in her beliefs…I am not…I will send you what she said. It’s not profound but knowing what she’s been thru…It makes me see thing a bit different… where her head is…

    I feel for you…and your mother.


  2. When it rains, it pours, right? The good news is that the clouds eventually recede and the sun shines again. Until then, hang onto your umbrella, chica! 😉

  3. Mel Fraase says:

    I just want to send you some hugs, you definately sound like you deserve some!!

  4. White Hot Magik says:

    I am sorry about your grandfather and can relate to being more worried about your mom. I felt the same way last year, as my grandma withered away.
    What a sad story about your SIL, that has to be tough. Hopefully you can help her out in some way.

    I am catching up and Yeah about Charlie’s progress with the cardiologist, sorry about the hospital stay. Yuck, I have never heard of that.
    Lastly your title makes me think I need to get back in the swing of things.

  5. White Hot Magik says:

    Also, I really liked your last comment about the shirt you saw, great words, thanks!

  6. Small Town Girl says:

    It is VERY difficult that’s for sure. I really feel for your SIL, That’s what will surround this time of year for many years to come for her. I know that this time of hear is really the hardest for me since my dad died. He died January 7 and it’ll be 8 years here on Wednesday. It seems like it’s harder to deal with when it’s attached to a holiday or something. No words of wisdom here, I just feel for her. Big time.

  7. Belated note to say, I am sorry about your grandpa, and SIL. I am just reading up on back posts. Your guest post got a nice response, thank you for that.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I am so sorry to read your news. I cannot muster up the right words, except to say sorry, and that I feel for you all right now.

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