You know, Americans these days seem to be a little obsessed with cleansing. We pay people to scrub our faces and our bodies and even our auras.
So it’s no real surprise that my colonoscopy was the equivalent of a spa day for me.
I did have to survive the torture of preparing for it, though, so I deserved a little break.
To prepare to get a colonoscopy you have clean out your entire digestive tract. The day before you can have hard candy and clear liquids. Gobstoppers and diet coke do not equal a breakfast of champions. Then you have to take laxatives. Then you take a super-laxative drink that’s pretty freakin’ disgusting. My version was called MoviPrep and I drank exactly half as much as I was supposed to and it took be four times longer than it should. It was totally disgusting and about half the time I thought I was going to just throw it up.
The colonoscopy itself wasn’t bad, though. The nurse did a bang-up job putting in my IV and it wasn’t painful at all. They covered me in a pre-warmed blanket and I got to lie down and nap both before and after. My mom drove me home and I slept the rest of the morning. For a woman with a small child with special needs, an excuse to sleep all morning is pretty much the best thing that can happen to you.
As for my results. . . don’t read on if you’re squeamish. . . hemorrhoids that are too high up to be seen during a regular exam. That’s pretty much the best possible diagnosis given my symptoms.
So, to review, Moviprep BAD, colonoscopy GOOD.