Mommy Gush

I typed what was most-likely four paragraphs all about Charlie’s therapy, what’s working, what isn’t, and all that stuff.

But I don’t need to bore you with all that.

What I really wanted to talk about is how much I’m enjoying him these days. One of the hardest things about a child with disabilites like Charlie’s is the lack of connection you feel. Charlie looked at me and smiled just because about once the first eight months of his life. My friend’s flirty little boy who’s the same age as Charlie did it like three times when they came to visit. I loved him, but I wondered if he knew me–if he liked me. These days he looks at me and smiles almost every time I go to pick him up. He gives me little glances during therapy and while he’s playing in his stander. Sometimes he just wants to be picked up and now he’s actually strong enough to look around and hold on while I cook or go check the mail. Please don’t misunderstand–he is far from having the vision of a normal child, but he has come a long way, and we have much to be thankful for.

He’s become so much more interested in the world around him. When I push him in his stroller, he holds on to the tray so he can sit up and look around. When we go out to dinner he looks all over the room and laughs at the shrieks of other children. I can see that these things are hard for him and he often gets worn out after a while, but he WANTS to do things. He’s interested in his world. Now that we’ve gotten past the heart failure, the brain damage, the hydrocephalus, and the heart failure he’s at a point where he can grow and explore his world.

I am enjoying his smile, his interest, and his little personality. I’m finally getting to know him.

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Comments

  1. Elizabeth says:

    I bet those “just for mom” smiles melt your heart. They would mine! Charlie’s personality just shines in the pictures you take of him. He is full of light and love. :)

    I love being able to step back away from looking at my kids as “my kids” and really seeing them and appreciating them for “Abigail and Emily”. They are turning into such great kids.

    When they aren’t fighting, of course. 😉

  2. i am going through that lack of connection feeling now with my son..hes almost 9 mos, he has cp, and he also has very poor vision (cvi), and we hope it will improve some with time, i know it will probably never be great…and theres still no smiles from him, & sometimes i feel like to him there is no difference between me or any other person…does that make sence? anyway…i really love reading posts like this because for me its like hope for the future, i feel like since charlie is making progress, maybe that will be my son someday…and it just feels so nice to read that someone out there has had similar feelings to mine and things did start to get better….so thanks

  3. White Hot Magik says:

    I am so glad for you both. I know it is easy for me to say, of course he loves you, you are his mommy. However I am sure being able to see it with your own eyes is better. I still expect Charlie will do great things because you will push, teach and keep on keeping on. You really do amaze me, because I know it would be easy to give into the negative side of your plight. Instead of saying he can’t do this or that you highlight what he can do.

  4. Oh how I understand your thoughts and feelings! I often stop and think about how my other two girls were when they were at the age Elisabeth is at. They were taking first steps…making first words…exploring…learning… understanding…

    Then I stop myself and realize that I can’t compare. Elisabeth is her own special person. I don’t get those heartwarming smiles and looks of recognition, but I know she knows me. The way she buries her head deep into my shoulder tells me that she knows I am her mother and that she feels safety and security with me. And I imagine that she will always have different ways of connecting with me. Time will tell.

    Enjoy that sweet little boy of yours. And thank you for your kind words and support that you have shared with me this past week. My heart is thankful!

  5. Mother of Precious says:

    Hi,

    Katy you and your husband are doing an amazing job with Charlie, and Charlie is so adorable.

    The smile of your child can make your day, it always makes mine and my “little girl” is now 11 1/2. Time goes so fast.

    I just started a blog my first one it is only 2008, I decided I could, I may not post that much but hopefully it will be enjoyable for all.

  6. Nadine Hightower says:

    Those special mommy smiles never go away either!!
    well okay when they turn into teenagers.

    I love the pix you post off Charlie’s smiles!

  7. That’s so great, KM! I am so glad he is making so much progress and that you are able to enjoy just being his mom.

  8. Those smiles are the best part about being a mom. I hope you get more and more of them.

  9. Yay. Those moments are so precious. It’s so fun to watch those personalities come out. :-)

  10. Hurray! I so understand everything you talk about and am so happy that you’ve reached this point with Charlie. Parents with “average” children take for granted the connection that is formed through smiles, gestures, expressions… Smile, Charlie, smile!

  11. Antonella says:

    I’m so happy that things are getting better. Isn’t it great when they look at you and smile??? It’s got to be the best feeling in the world and it really does melt your heart!
    I hope that he gives you lots more smiles!