Archives for April 15, 2008

Not So Bad

What She Wore: I won’t bother you with horror that was today outfit. It wasn’t pretty.

What She Ate: Chicken noodle soup for lunch; turkey and stuffing for dinner. And a lot of cookies.

After Charlie was born, I had all these fears. The biggest of the bunch was the fear that I would never be the same again. I felt like the wounds were too deep. I just didn’t know how it would be possible for me to feel completely happy again. I would wistfully think about the days before Charlie was born–before I knew how hard it would be. I couldn’t imagine feeling that carefree again. One of the things I specifically remembered was dancing in the kitchen. For years I would blare the radio and just boogie down in the kitchen. Especially good days would be those where Hub would join in. We’d just dance in the kitchen like two fools. How could I ever be that happy again? That girl who danced in the kitchen didn’t know anything about hospitals and children dying; she didn’t even know what cerebral palsy was.

I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.

Tonight I strapped Charlie in his stander. While he’s in there we have to come up with things to keep him entertained. We’re also trying to add time–we’re up to fifteen minutes. You can only push the kid up and down the hallway so many times when you’re doing it for fifteen minutes. We played with some toys, but he loves to move around. After pushing him down the hallway for the zillionth time I came up with a new plan. I cranked up my iTunes and started wheeling him this way and that to the music. I after grooving to Shake It by Metro Station I passed him off to my husband to give my back a break. I couldn’t resist shaking my bootay to Cupid Shuffle, though. So there the three of us were, in the kitchen, dancing. It struck me that this was one of those things I was so worried about. Would I ever dance in the kitchen like no one was watching? Yes. It may not have been exactly the way I pictured, but I was in the exact place I wanted to be.

Good day.

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